Failure

I am a failure. I tried and yet could not kill him. I was frozen as he stared at me.

And then she came. Queequeg Christine. She walked towards us and saw him. She saw him and everything that he was.

And he grew. His body seemed to shudder and he grew a few inches taller and his arms grew longer and he turned to look at her. And I knew that he was going to kill her, just as he killed my wife and children. He was going to take everything away from me again.

And so I ran. I ran and grabbed Christine and I pulled her away, I pulled her away as I felt him coming nearer. I felt the world darken, the shadows lengthen.

The world fell away and there was only us and him.

I shielded her with my body. I shouted my foulest curses at him. And I pulled the hunting knife I had bought, its blade sharp, and I put it to my throat.

I do not know why that stopped him. Perhaps he didn't want to see me dead. Perhaps he has plans for me. And if he does, perhaps I should just kill myself now.

But I can't. Because Queequeg Christine has seen him now. She believes now. And I can't help her if I'm dead.



And a part of me

(only a part)

is relieved that

I am not crazy.